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DVD Review - Labor Pains By Richard W. Kozak, Jr.  |
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In the past year and a half or so lost among drunken binges, late nights, and repeated spats with a “same-sex” lover, the one time Disney star Lindsay Lohan became even more of a caricature than an actual “actress.” Perhaps always more of a celebrity than actual actor and more of an enigma than talent, Lohan’s handlers announced that the resident “little girl lost” would return to the silver screen with the film “Labor Pains.”
Unfortunately for Lohan’s career and film goers with little worthy autumn rental fare available, the “long awaited” return of Lohan was directly released to DVD. After enduring through a sludge filled attempt at comedy, it is not a stretch to believe that watching “Labor Pains” may be actually as painful as actually having them.
Lohan is nearly unwatchable as the actress who indulges too much in smoking and drinking in real life, smokes and drinks through a movie about a fake pregnancy and the personal ramifications that arise from the ruse. The premise is old and worn with a flimsy script that is as transparent as Saran Wrap.
There’s not one aspect of the DVD that is not cliché ridden at any level. Each character is one dimensional or less including the character Thea played by Lohan. She’s a low level secretary at a publishing firm who feels she’s about to be fired. Because she’s the Rodney Dangerfield of the secretarial pool, she decides to fake a pregnancy to keep her job.
Thea first isn’t crazy about her new found role of mommy to be, but then becomes intoxicated with the attention and perks that come from being “with child.” Predictably, the charade gets her into more trouble than its worth as her secret becomes more and more of a burden.
Guilt overcomes her and then comes the confession along with the new found surprise love interest. Instead of becoming an outcast, Thea finds solace in a “real” unwed pregnancy to end the film.
Not worth the press of a play button, “Labor Pains” earns a rating of ½ baby bump.
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